Pregnancy and motherhood are the most beautiful and significantly life-altering events that I have ever experienced. Alhamdulillah~~
Having kids, dragged me, kicking and screaming, from the world of self-absorption.
You have that impulse to wish that no child should ever be hurt, or abused, or hungry or not have opportunities in life.
I got emotional when seeing babies who are sick, and when seeing babies in market or crowded places like pasar malam, because I know they will catch bugs and get sick!
I got angry if I saw kids being abused and could cry for days for them.
That was obviously beyond my control.
We waited for three years before we finally have Ammar Haikal.
As usual everyone's asking when when when like I can dictate when will I get pregnant, haha. people.
So I gave birth to Ammar when I was 29 years old.
And he is a great kid.
He had 5 hospital admissions for Pneumonia from age 4,5,6,7,8 months of life! That was monthly admission! Nasty taska bugs!
Gosh I could not describe how devastated I felt that time. How helpless I was.
The most severe was at the last admission where he required intensive care almost needing intubation and was warded 9 days during his first Eid in 2014.
That was the most difficult time and we are the first time parents.
We both doctors with experience, but with our child, we became just like other parents.
Worried and worried. Tears and rain.
I still get traumatized when I picture him on the HDU bed with those wires and oxygen mask n all.
I still got teary everytime I walk by the taska that he stayed for 5 months before we finally found a nanny to stay at our home to help caring for Ammar.
These events might have lead to his current developmental delay. So the paeds said.
But that does not change our love to him.
He has speech issues, communication and fine motor delay, but he is catching up.
We have spent 2018 getting him to get all the help that he needed, and all the support that is available for him, and Alhamdulillah, he is making great progress.
He is surrounded by the people who love him, the teachers that care about him just like any other kid.
He went to speech, occupational therapist, play therapist and not to mention holiday therapies hahaha. What more important is that you bond with your children.
Not the expensive therapies, but the love that you are giving to them. Despite the difference, the hardship, the people that stare, the relatives who talk and never understand their role in supporting special needs kid, don't waste time getting emotional, just assume they have no awareness and lack of education and you just be tough and become stronger.
So yes, being a parent.
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| Mommy Anna, daughter Anna and son Ammar during EidulAdha 2018 |
One important thing in a happy family is undoubtedly a happy mother.
You gotta be happy to raise happy kids.
You gotta be positive and take everything in a positive way.
If you are miserable,
If you are angry and tired,
A miserable mother will make a home one living hell, this is no joke, haha.
I don't know who said this,
but there really are places in the heart you don't even know exist until you love a child.
This is so true, for me, I have never know that anyone could love another human being, this much,
just like how I feel, towards my children.
It is beautiful. Alhamdulillah for this opportunity.
I looked on childrearing not only as a work of love, and duty, but as a profession that was fully interesting and challenging as any honourable profession in the world and one demanded the best that I could bring to it.
As a medical doctor, who is in time for pursuing master and specialties,
and has passion in research and contributing more towards medicine, I have my dreams,
But I have to weigh pros and cons. I have to support my husband for his Master of Public Health before I pursue mine.
I make the call and postpone my studies for now, I have to say not because I have children.
But because I want to enjoy motherhood before they dont need my hugs, my kisses, my caress, my full attention anymore. Before they outgrown my lap.
I don't want to miss that. (I am not saying that those who pursue missed the time with their children, they have their own ways)
I am just having the time of my life, getting back home in time, making dinner for my little family,
Dancing in front of TV for Thomas and Friends series with my children,
Enjoy being silly and have time to teach Ammar, and spend time playing PlayDoh with Marissa,
caring for them and just having fun!
I will one day pursue my career, I don't care if I will be 38 or even 40 at that time,
I am not in race.
I am who I am best at right now, a mother.
"When you make a decision to have a child, you are also making the decision to take responsibility for that child. You don't abandon your obligation as a parent, just because you have 'other plans' "
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| Hari Raya AidilAdha 2018 in Putrajaya |
The best security blanket a child can have is parents who love each other.
I am truly grateful for this loving husband.
I have known him for 13 years now and married to him for nearly 9 years now, and not once he raised his voice to me.
His words are always comforting and positive, and calming and make me feel safe.
We grow wiser together and I love his passion towards our family, children and medicine.
He is so husband material, and I am truly blessed for that, alhamdulillah~~
Looking back, I have never thought of meeting my soul mate in Friendster (like Facebook today!) and and to have met such a great guy for a husband and a father to my children, in this millenia, is truly magical. for me.
I pray that we will be given opportunities, health and wealth to raise our children, to see them grow, and succeed in life insyaAllah.
I also pray that we will have the opportunities to contribute more to the society in making the world a better place. ( so much for public health! hahaha)
10th November 2005-my first time meeting my future husband that time, in KLIA.
I am more than glad to have found the courage to step out of the
plane and met him that day!
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| The Najibs, during Floria Putrajaya 2018 |
Gotta make time.
Time for dates with husband.
This includes sneaking out for movies haha. (usually Friday evening after work!)
We will find time to go for dates in fancy cafe or just Seoul Garden in boring Alamanda.
Gotta make time for the kids of course, everyday they will screamm yayy mommy balik daddy balik when our car reached home.
We always take them to KLCC playground during weekend to let loose all the energy haha.
And this year, we decided that they are ready for some patriotic event, which was the National Day!
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| Celebration of National Independence Day witnessed by the duo |
And we were right, they were stunned by everything there.
The armies, the assets, the people, the song, yes the song.
They became obsessed with Malaysia song by Faizal Tahir and we had to listen as well as sing along that song for months! (Faizal Tahir sang the song live in Putrajaya that day)
And they forced us to circle around the concert area coz Faizal Tahir sang that night live also, hahaha.
Yes, August till October, it was all about Faizal Tahir songs!
Humming and singing Starfeather, Buta, Malaysia, Sayang...my kids were so into Faizal Tahir that time, and of course he is our favourite singer too.
Marissa and Ammar would act out like in Sayang video,
and will hug and kiss us just like in the video of lagu Sayang, and said, mommy dia sayang dia, daddy dia sayang dia, macam mommy sayang ammar sayang maysa, hahaha., so adorable la!
Came October, and Encik Lebah partially surprised me (he was the one who were surprised when he saw the dates for the holiday actually the weekend before his exam! haha) by getting us booked in flight to Kuching, Sarawak!
Yes, Sarawak has a lot of memories of us together.
We spent the our engagement months there and of course the honeymoon years of marriage were all in Sarawak.
I guess, it is always good to have a walk down the memory lane, gituuu.
We stayed at the Grand Magherita Hotel, and I have to say that it was a great stay.
Don't be fooled by the outside look of that hotel, haha, and what more was that the location.
Just in front the cat statues, and along the river, where we keep on repeating naik bot to kuih lapis, and round the bridge and all.
Went to seafood topspot of course and just having fun with the children.
Running around the waterfront.
Catch up session with bestie, Dr Faridah Hanim.
It was a nice getaway, thank you husband.
And he got almost full mark for his statistic exam after that weekend full of fun and conversation about biostatistics hahaha. yes, berkat bawak isteri anak jalan2 keh, hehehe.
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| Marissa Anna and M Ammar Haikal at the Wonderboom cafe, Kuching, October 2018 |
Marissa came as a big surprise for us, coz I thought we would have to wait for maybe longer this time to have a second baby.
And alhamdulillah~~ we are blessed with a little girl.
Initially we were to name her only Marissa Humaira, but I went thru complications for this second cesarean, so she maybe and most likely will be our last child.
So I gotta put Anna as her middle name, hahahaha.
I have to. I mean, kamon, she was in me for 9 months!
She gotta be my little Anna.hehe~~
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| She is demonstrating "SAYANG DADDY", mommy is so jealous!!! |
Marissa Anna Humaira,
a complete opposite of her brother.
She has an outgoing extrovert persona, with cheekiness and drama.
She is more of a diva.
Just like mommy! hahahhaa~~
Encik Lebah said, why you have to add Anna in the middle, she is so just like you, suka merajuk, drama drama hahahahah.
She is so manja. She would cry like a baby and demanded for 'tiup' if she stumbled on anything.
She would kacau2 her brother and made it look like she is the victim hahaha
She is her brother best girl. and best friend.
Sayang Marissa!
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| The hearts that go walking outside my body ehhehe |
Back to should I have them (the children) sooner?
I would say YES.
YES big time. if only I could decide on that hahaha,
I think, and of course, medically, having children sooner will definitely reduce your risk of having complications in pregnancy and delivery.
And, and pregnancy during the 30s is actually more tiring and eventful than when you are in your 20s.
To add to that,
the sooner you have children, the lesser the worries,
the merrier the house,
and life is short,
don't postpone motherhood,
if you don't have any issues,
then I would suggest you go for it!!
Motherhood is amazing, and you have no idea, until there's a life growing inside of you.
Come November and we were given opportunity to see Ammar Haikal performed Dikir Barat with friends at his school's graduation ceremony in front of media and hundreds!
Even Siti Nurhaliza, Estranged were there, how cool was that, mommy melopong hahaha.
We were impressed, I mean, where were we when 5 years old? haha. main pasir??
It was an achievement.
He was so happy and that what matters the most to me. He looked like he enjoyed it so much and had fun performing.
Well done!
Mommy and Daddy are always proud of you, son.
We pray the best for the years to come,InsyaAllah~~
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| The Najibs during our regular evening stroll at the park, taking time to feed some hungry fish! hahaha |
So yeah, that was 2018 in a glance.
2018 has been amazing to us.
We worked hard this year, for our career, for our children, and family.
It was not a smooth journey but we manage to pull it thru, alhamdulillah~~
and always be positive.
We have to remind ourselves on that everytime.
and count our blessings!
