Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Cerita confinement

That is the typical Malay confinement period where you are bound to stay at home only, eat only limited types of food and can only do certain things.
My mother took about 10days leave to help me during this time.
Since i refused to be separated from husband for this confinement period, we decided to just stay home in Kuala Lipis.
(Normally you have to stay with your mother or mom in law during this period)
And we are happy.
My husband had his 1week paternity leave and he did tremendous job helping me taking care of myself and baby.
Everyday was about feeding our baby, burp him, bath him, change nappies, swaddle him, and of course, adore his tiny hands and feet, his cute little face. Everything about him is adorable.
Countless poo poo. (It changed from dark greenish meconium to brown yellowish in days)
But, for caesarian mothers, this first week, even getting up from bed was a struggle.
Let alone sneezing or coughing.
I was lucky my allergic rhinitis didnt strike me during this time.
But, i was able to comfortably sit. Too comfortable till my mother was like.." Eh tak macam org beranak ni!"
Nurses came for visits at home. Checking my wound and baby.
Alhamdulillah, my incision site was good. Healed in a week. Dry and giving me no trouble.
It was a small smiley shape cut, and it was very neat.
Nice work surgeons! (Thanks to my dear boss and colleques!)


love at first sight..welcome to the world sayang~~

For the first 2weeks, my breakfast was bread and milo, my lunch n dinner were rice with grilled fish and vegetables, alternate with grilled chicken. And milk.and fruits.
No seafood, no ice water. Nothing else.
I refused pati ikan haruan whatsoever, not only because of the taste, but the smell also.
I had no supplements, milk shakes etc etc.
As long as you eat carb,protein,veges n fruits, take enough water, i dont see why you need to take those thing.
(There are so many supplements in market now that people believe are safe for them, but i rather take real food than bunch of pills!)
After the 3rd week, as i gained the strength to ambulate better, feeding my baby better, doing all the baby care with hubby, i forgot i was in confinement. (Yes, my mother already went back to work, and i was home with my lil sis,Amira and hubby also started working)
The temptation was irresistable, i ate a burger on day28 i guess.
And after day30, no more socks!
And during my confinement, i didnt have any herbal bath, herbal paste, pilis, any bengkung, mengurut or bertungku.
My confinement as my husband said, was truly simple. Let the body heals itself.
Encik Lebah was not into the herbal thingy, bertungku, mengurut or etc. as he saw some problematic caesarian wound came to casualty after doing those session.
And he kept reminding me about that. Haha.

 actually ni la first ever time pakai kain batik hehe!

 daddy cuddle time with baby~~

Alhamdulillah, my 6weeks postpartum was great.
I was back to my normal pre-pregnancy weight (despite the mcdonalds, subway etc. alhamdulillah!) and able to fit in my pre-pregnancy clothes.
But, i couldnt wear my hipster jeans due to the caesarian scar.
It was uncomfortable, i guess maybe due to the friction between the scar and the zip area.
So im still wearing my 9-months maternity jeans that are super comfy on that belly area.
(Haha this can actually encourage you to eat more, bad bad bad!)
Anyway now the pantang is over, i may have gained few extra kilos back haha!

 Our love chuckles in his sleep..about a week old~~

We began to understand our baby better, his cues, and his sleep time became more predictable. Changing nappies became like second nature.
He wakes up regularly about 3-4times during the night for feeding and back to sleep easily.
He was 5kg at first month checkup, got his 2nd HepB vaccine.
We survived car trips with him back to Kelantan and Sabak Bernam.
He cries very little. (I hope in next few months also!)
He enjoys time with his parents and our families.
I have to say, being with your husband during confinement was important. At least to me.
I feel like it created strong bond between us and baby.
As he was there all the time, watching you adjusting to this new life, accepting new responsibilities, spending time caring for our baby together..i could see my husband turns into a cute, caring lil father to our son, insyaAllah..and everyday, he will be back from work on time, and go straight to both of us, at home. Giving us cuddle time.
I feel loved. We feel loved.
Thank you sayang.

 officially living with two boys now!

We had our kenduri aqiqah in Sabak Bernam on 28th December.
Alhamdulillah, baby Ammar Haikal met so many people especially our relatives..
After showered with gifts by friends n families, baby Ammar Haikal didoakan insyaAllah menjadi anak yang soleh, amin..

We were very busy during this time.
We were offered a transfer to Putrajaya.
From Hospital Kuala Lipis to Ministry of Health?!
It was, i would say, interesting.
And we accepted that.
And people was like, why why why?
First of all, there is more to medicine than just being in the hospital.
The exact reaction in Malaysia will be like, why ministry of health? Why non-clinical?
And i am not surprised with that. That was the exact reaction i was expecting.
In Malaysia, if you are a doctor, you are expected to be in clinical fields. Only.
Actually,there is more to medicine beyond hospitals.
After all, where was the phrase "prevention better than cure" came from.
And doing medicine is not just doing oncalls, precall-postcall-oncall blues, become grumpy person over time, yelling almost at all time, and mad about other people, complaining this and that, having attitudes like i-am-the-most-genius-doctor ever, seeing countless patients going when was the last time i saw my parents, or my aunts,or my uncles, or my own child?
I hate that. It makes me unhappy.
It takes everything, even your family, to sacrifice to succeed doing clinical medicine in Malaysia.
Only the strong ones survive.
Only the ones with great support, the ones who prepare to sacrifice everything including time with families. Only the ones who have strong hearts to leave their children with grandparents, to have to study hard when your kids linger around you wanting to play.
Only that kind of people can survive hospitals.
Well, to me, we all have a choice.
Doctors can be lawyers, lecturers, politicians, or bussinessman.
Doctors can go into education, ethics, law of medicine, public health, management, secreteriat, and many more!
Doctors can get opportunity to do research, publish journals, further studies overseas for public health etc etc. only the exposure about this was little.
Not every doctors meant to be surgeons, physicians, psychiatrists, anaesthetist etc etc.
There are doctors who are good in public health, preventive medicine, health management and ethical law.
And they are still medical doctors.
Only with more time with family, more like normal people, the ones who can sleep thru the night without phone calls, can take care of themselves more than others.
It depends on you.
Some people define happiness with their status, their wealth, sense of being important, being able to directly involve in saving lives..which satisfy them. Good on them. We need them.
When some people just plain happy spending more time with family..(you know late 20s to mid 30s is the peak time of your life, when you are still young and bold!)...being able to wake up everyday with loved ones, raising your kids together, building your life together..insyaAllah..
Im not saying doing clinical medicine means you cant do that, well certainly you can, but in Malaysia, in much harder way. And some manage to do well in both, its impressive!
Again, it depends on you.
At the time when you are old, will you think about how you want to spend more time at work?
You will think about how you wish you spend more time with your loved ones.
Enough said. :)

are you kidding me with those eyes?!

Welcoming 2014 at a new house, with baby, new life, new job, new place, new responsibilities, new environment. Could it be any harder, or any sweeter than this :)
Plus Encik Lebah took 2weeks leave before starting new job, so we spent time together 3 of us berjalan jalan pusing KL and Putrajaya. And of course, baby Ammar Haikal loves car rides..! Zzzzz je!
Sarawak to Kuala Lipis to Putrajaya.
I just noticed, we moved every second year!
And this year, will be more challenging.
But i pray, insyaAllah dipermudahkan in everyway, amin..:)

Everytime i see Haikal eyes, i feel like he is trying to say, "come on mummy, you can do it, you will be a good mother".
InsyaAllah insyaAllah..sayang.
Baby Ammar Haikal grows so fast, now he is 64days old.
Completed his 3rd vaccine.
And he is a chubby 6.3kg baby now!
He started smiling at us and cooing cutely usually when he wakes up in the morning on our bed.
He started to reach up for toys, and enjoys playing with them especially when hes in maxicosi. I am impressed and amazed with his development. Subhanallah..
My husband also enjoys singing baby lullaby and twinkle twinkle little star in his manly voice,and baby Ammar Haikal still smiling!
Owh i love you both.
Sayang mummy daddy, grow well keh my dear :)

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

The arrival of cinta hati NajibAnna

Pinch me now.
I am a mother. Encik Lebah is now a father.
And we are now new parents.
To our adorable little baby son, Muhammad Ammar Haikal bin Mohammad Najib.
Born in our Hospital Kuala Lipis. 3.5kg.
By Emergency Lower Segment Caesarian Section for secondary arrest.
And he is now,a healthy 2months old baby boy,how time flies!

Today, i would like to share my labor and birth experience to you and moms to be, of course.
I took leave when i was about 36weeks pregnant.
When i was considered term.
I wanted to be prepared. We wanted to be prepared.
My pregnancy was smooth thru out the 3trimesters.
I was given code of no risk. Or white label on the pink maternity book.
Some thinks taking leave early as wasting time.
Some thinks you should wait till you start labor. Then you take leave.
Well, i didnt think like that.
Giving my stressful job as a medical doctor, and since i have more than 30days unused leave, i was like why not?
And i thought baby will come out early.
During my leave, i was able to be fully prepared for our baby.
We assembled baby cot, did all baby laundry, took time to go dating with hubby, more of babymoons, sleep as much as i could,did exercise and walking, did lots of reading bout confinement and taking care of newborn, read al-quran and praying for our baby to arrive safely to this world.
Deep inside me, i was  still nervous.
What if this and what if that?
You know doctors are truly the worst patients?!


I remember that day, Hari Asyura, 14.11.13.
Encik Lebah was oncall.
The night before, we were talking about when will we meet our baby.
Since we were ready n all.
And i was 39weeks 6days already.
Encik Lebah was talking to my huge belly, and said "baby jom kluar jom, jom jumpa mummydaddy!"
Nothing prepares me for the labor to come.
That night, about 1am, i felt the first contraction. It wasnt that painful. But it was regular.
1 in 10minutes.
Getting more painful by 6am, but still bearable.
But this time i could not sleep already.
It was 2 in 10minutes. Lasted about 15-20seconds.
Encik Lebah came home and examined me.
We went to see our obstetrician about 9am, and i was still closed.
Went to do ctg, and due to my regular contractions, i was advised for admission.
Butterfly in my stomach.
And this was the hospital that i work there everyday.
And they were all my colleques and bosses.
But i was still scared and nervous as hell.
I could not imagine how other mothers felt, giving they have no medical background and privilege to stay in single room.
I was lucky my husband was there all the time, thruout my labor pain.
Thank you Allah.. Thank u husband sbb belajar sungguh2 dulu sampai jadi doktor and teman me the whole time i was in labor.Alhamdulillah.

Overnight. Pain getting more intense.
I could not help it.
I was restless.
My husband also restless.
I finally succumbed to 2pethidine injections that made me so sleepy, but did not help at all with my pain. I felt like it was getting stronger and stronger. Worse now as i was drowsy due to that pethidine.
4 in 10minutes,40seconds, felt like forever.
Obstetric team came that morning and saw that i was in pain.
I was 5cm. Baby's doing good.
Went to labor room.
Artificial rupture of membrane (ARM) was done, and alhamdulillah it was clear still altho ive been contracting strongly since last night.
After that ARM, the pain was unbearable.
With entonox or without, it was excruciating.
I came to a point where i was literally crying, wailing, and sobbing, as i could not bear the pain anymore. And i was still 6-7cm.
Hours after that, i felt like my tears gone dry, i was still same.
I could see my husband holding his tears seeing me in pain, he tried to comfort me in everyway he could, rubbing my back, holding my hair, whispering i love you i love you, teaching me to selawat, praying for me and baby, kissed my forehead, but nothing could ease the pain.
I could feel the pressure getting more intense around pelvic area, i constantly thought that i need to go to toilet, i even begged my colleque to let me go to the toilet.
And she reassured me that it was the urge, the feeling you get when your baby coming down.
Contractions after contractions. Nurses came to comfort me but i was sobbing, i forgot everything already. I just need to get this baby out.
I was afraid i could die from this unbearable pain.
And still, after hours, i was still 6-7cm.
My obstetrician did the final examination,and i tell you, it was so so so painful,that i almost screamed in pain. (I totally forgot that she is my boss!)
And she decided for a EMLSCS.
Baby was too big and canal was narrow.
My husband kissed me and after informed consent, i was pushed to operating theatre.
It was scary. But i only think about my baby.
I wanted him to be safe. To be born healthy.
This was first time i became a patient,and it was totally strange.
It was scarier since i knew everything they gonna do to me in next few minutes.
I was on the table with contractions n i was counting for the spinal anesthesia to kick in, and wow, in minutes, all the pain was gone. Completely gone.
And i couldnt move my legs, couldnt feel a thing.
It was weird. I remember thinking, what if i couldnt move my legs forever..?
I was lying flat, i could partially see my obstetrician and my colleque getting ready to make incision on me. I could feel the scalpel. Layer by layer they opened me up.
I felt the pushing, the pulling but not the pain.
Then i felt my obstetrician hand went into my uterus and grab my baby's head
He was finally out.He was passed on to his father who was in green sterile gowns, ready for him in peadiatric station. He led out good strong cries, and my life has changed forever.
I am a mother now. Alhamdulillah..and I could hear my husband whispered azan to his ears..
My husband showed me our son.
That was my first glance of our son, and i was like, alhamdulillah thank you Allah..he has big eyes, rosy cheeks, and chubby! He is beautiful.
It was precious. Priceless moments. And my tears streaming down my cheeks. I finally gave birth to this beautiful son on the due date 15.11.13 at 6.28pm..alhamdulillah syukur..
(Do you know only 5% baby born on their due date?!)


I was given intrathecal morphine. And sent to recovery room for some time. I was drowsy and shaking. Felt so cold.
Next, i was pushed to the postnatal ward. Cubicles of four, for observation.
There, they placed my son next to me. Hes just so cute but i was too numb, cannot move my legs still. Tried breastfeeding him, and he latched on few minutes and then went to sleep.
The nurses helped me a lot. Attended my baby and me everytime we needed them.
Reassured me and lend me their hands.
I had quite number of visitors then i had to move back to my single room.
We were discharged on day 2 post surgery, my catheter was off and i was able to ambulate slowly, but the pain was quite intense especially when you change positions.
I was like, i thought i had intrathecal morphine in me?
My husband was the star of all time.
He helped a lot with baby since i couldnt move much. I love you sayang.
Had specialists and colleques visited us and baby. Thank u guys so much.
My families came all the way from Kelantan and Sabak Bernam.
It was just like a dream.
And now there are three of us!
The Najib's!
And this is just the beginning!

our first few selfies with baby!

When you thought it was easy for you as a doctor, actually you have no idea what labor is like until you experience it yourself.
You never know how painful vaginal examinations are, how you need all those comforting words from your colleques,
How you need all those tender loving care from the team.
These were vital, as you feel like you are in a strange place and you are in pain, and everybody was looking at your progress, checking you every few hours..
You cannot possibly imagine how women in labor feel like untill you are one of them.
Seriously. I was one of them. And now i truly understand. Finally.
And i learned that, you never know your risk until it was too late.
I maybe on no risk code, but what if i choose to do the all natural homebirth, with my husband who is also a medical doctor, we never know that i could not progress.
And that i had cephalopelvic dispropotion, and that the baby was too big for normal birth.
And that the baby could get in distress, pass meconium due to strong long contractions.
There are so many things that can go wrong, but at least we have tried to give the best chance for baby to be delivered in safe place.
To the go-all-natural group, dont think twice.
Think 1000times before you choose homebirth.
Think for your baby, put you and baby safety first.
After all, we doctors want you to be safe. Period.

P.s when you hold your baby in your arms, you'll forget all the pain. Its just so worth it..:)