Monday, February 6, 2017

The Birth Story of Princess Marissa Anna Humaira

dgn izinNya, our cinta hati number two has arrived safely on 24/11/2016 at 0823 am via elective lower segment caesarian section or known to doctors as ELSCS for cephalopelvic disporpotion or in layman term, scheduled caesarian delivery at 38weeks plus pregnancy due to narrow birth canal.
This was my second caesarian after 3years gap. 
and I have got to say that it was much worse than the first. 
(in Nov 2013, I had emergency csection for secondary arrest after a veryyy longggggg longgg labor and Ammar weighed 3.6kg!)

Princess Marissa Anna Humaira during her first hour with mommy 

It was a difficult decision to go for elective csection.
We have consulted few obstetrician and my previous obstetrician also suggested for elective caesarian if our baby is estimated more than 2.8kg.
We have also read many systematic reviews and journals regarding vaginal birth after csection (VBAC) versus elective repeated caesarian section and after weighing the risks, we decided to go for elective. 
The chance for a successful VBAC is higher if your previous caesarian was because of fetal distress, or because of position of the baby like breech than if you had secondary arrest or prolonged labor.
It was never easy to make such decision, to let the surgeons cut you open for second time, to bring another life to this world..safely.
Anyhow, a caesarian delivery never makes you less a mother.
you had that scars, that pain, lasted forever, and you went thru major operation just to make sure your little one has the slightest risk, to make it safely to this world, insyaallah..
that's a mother.

I took 2weeks leave before my scheduled caesarian. 
I needed it to prepare for the arrival of our new baby, and also to relax and spend more time with Ammar.
Princess Marissa's cot, all ready for her arrival

I know it will be difficult for him, to accept the fact that he will no longer be my only baby alalallalla sian diaaa hehe, 
we went out for dinners and meals, walkabouts, just to ease my nerves!

Admitted to the ward on 23/11/16 around 6pm, after waiting all day for bed.
Done CTG and when Encik Lebah left, I just could not even close my eyes, I was getting so nervous for the next day.
Packing first baby attire which were Ammar's first as well

Early morning, about 6.30am I was prepared by the nurses to be the first on the list that day,
7.30am I was pushed to the OT room, with Encik  Lebah with me, saying prayers and trying to calm me down, I saw the love in his eyes, I kept on selawat dalam hati, 
8am I was already on the table.
the anaes prepared for the drugs, and she poked my back with the needle, god it hurts so much! and I felt the drugs went in so fast with one push.
...and I felt my legs became heavy and numb, I gotta tell you it was scary.

Lying down flat, and I started to feel some pushing n pulling when they cut me open.
about 5minutes, I suddenly felt like the room was getting darker and darker,
and their voices were getting slower and harder to listen,
and that my breaths became heavier and suddenly I felt like suffocating, like drowning in the water!
I remember i tried to scream on top of my lungs,  help me help me I cant breathe!
the anaes responded with 'panic ni, cuba tarik nafas',
I was like, no no no I am not panic, I am drowning, please help me!!!
then she started to worry, and noted the blood pressure went down, and that time I felt like I am going to go.. seriously like it felt like I was going to die,
the thoughts of Allah, Encik Lebah and Ammar and my unborn child yet still in me, kept on coming, everything kept on flashing in my head, and I could hear the team run some fluids, give another drugs, and the specialist went in, 
I could hear their conversations, my blood pressure dropped,
I got hooked up on oxygen,
and in about few minutes,
I recovered. alhamdulillah.
It was damn terrifying!
I cried during the op, so traumatic,
and baby Marissa was out 8.24am, 3.22kg, 
she cried so loud that it echoed across the room,
alhamdulillah she is so beautiful.
She has big eyes just like her brother.
and I had just experienced one of the effect of spinal anaesthesia which was hypotension, and it was petrifying!
Marissa's first picture in her life on earth!

And just when they were finishing me up, I can feel the needle went thru me, 
I can feel the pain already!
and it hurts so badddd!
they quickly gave me entonox and that was the beginning of my horrible super nauseous postpartum experience!

After the op, I was pushed to the recovery room.
in there I felt so dizzy and nauseated, that I could not open my eyes or lift my head or even turn my head!
the nurse kept on asking, and when I said I feel nauseated, and wanted to vomit, 
she said something like "jgn panic tarik nafas",
what's up with everybody saying dont panic!!
I was damn dizzy!
and when i threw up for 3times, then baru she started panicking! and I was still throwing up and extremely dizzy, and they pushed me up to the ward while I was still gagging. (that time I felt like nobody cares huhu)

Back to the ward,
had bouts of vomiting,
my baby cried so loud, 
as I could not get her to me as I was extremely dizzy,
and that went on for the whole day and the day after. (I had no dizziness whatsoever during my first caesarian)
I asked repeatedly for them to top up my baby with formula first, since I got nothing, but to no avail.
and kept on saying bagi je nanti ade susu,
thank you for the breastzilla policy!
I could not even lift my head without vomiting, and my baby cried her lungs out for milk, for two nights..huhu
During Ammar he was well taken care of by the nurses when I was so weak, kudos to Hospital Kuala Lipis staff who were very much soft spoken, supportive and comforting.

And..the urinary catheter was off that evening of Day0, when I was super duper dizzy and throwing up like mad
the whole night I ended up not going to the toilet at all because I was still so dizzy and nauseated.
I was certain, the minute I try to stand up, I will pass out.

Day3, nearly royan.
My baby was not getting anything and developed jaundice.
She kept on screaming and I was getting more insane.
7am everyday, my mom was asked to leave the ward as no penjaga is allowed to accompany patient from 7am till 7pm, leaving me with a screaming hungry baby, while I could not even sit properly without excruciating pain and dizziness!
This is the time that I truly madly deeply needed support from my mom or husband the most and neither of them was allowed from 7am till 7pm.
I remember holding Marissa with pain over the scars and trying to hold myself together.

Alhamdulillah after Day 3, I was allowed to go home.
Missing Ammar badly badly badly.
Baby Marissa and mommy getting ready to go home!
I gotta say, 
my previous experience in the small district hospital of Kuala Lipis was so much nicer,
despite many limitations, 
the staff were many many times more supportive and courteous,
I understand the workloads in the hospital but I was a bit disappointed.
I had higher expectations.
It could have been much better.

There were very nice nurses especially the lactation nurse and the JM who were very soft spoken and helpful, thank you for your kindness.
To the others, I hope you will work on your soft skills and communication skills because they are vital parts in delivering best care to your patients. I had high expectations not because I am a doctor, but because I was keen to get good experience as a patient.

I totally agree with Breast is BEST, don't get me wrong,
but I feel there is a need to respect mothers,
we are not like textbooks,
there are mothers who simply cannot produce,
or who had complications from surgery,
or who had great difficulties,
we cannot be treated the same like mothers who had breastmilk since 38 weeks of pregnancy.
We cannot be too obsessed until we disrespect the mothers and ignore her plea to feed her baby, in the time that she needed support the most.
There is no need to feel scared in the hospital just because you think your baby needs to be fed with formula first as your milk has not yet established.
There is no need for mothers to hide bottles, to feed babies behind the curtain just to avoid getting caught,
Our first selfie with Baby Marissa Anna Humaira
It does not need to be that way
To me that was totally not mother and baby friendly.
We should guide and support the mothers,
but we cannot judge them with their choices.
I hope with time, this can be improved and will be way way better in the future, so that mommy like me will have better and memorable experience giving birth to our little ones insyaallah ~~

Despite the drama,
alhamdulillah, we are now a small family of four
Mini Anna and Mini Najib
alhamdulillah syukur~~

May Allah ease our journey to become good parents, and colour the world of our children the best that we can, insyaallah amin.

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